Oh, Addiction!

Photo by sq lim on Unsplash

you, oh so want it to go away
you want it to stop!

so you reach for that can of pinot noir
you anticipate it taking it away
like a Calgon shampoo commercial from years past

but it doesn’t
it only revs you up some more
makes you relive the resentment
until it’s no longer a slow simmer but
now a throthing, roiling boil

you’re ready to end it
to throw what you’ve built
for so long all away

you wonder what else will take away
this pain, this feeling of
not good enough
never enough!

so you reach for the sweet, the savory,
the sour
but all you can access
is the

all the people in your world
in the news
have struggled with this

so many different faces
to blunt the pain
you cannot face
you cannot fathom
you cannot solve

so you drink
so you eat
so you spend
so you gamble
so you snort
so you inhale
so you scroll
so you hit
so you yell
so you insult
so you indulge
so you can finally forget
even for a little while

to numb
to not think
to blame
to shame
to not name

what’s really bothering you
what’s really going on

oh, addiction
how you transmute
a color
until it’s no longer
what it once was

no longer recognizable
only a husk of yourself
only a lingering and faded hue

that was once
the real
blue sky

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