I’ll be honest. I really didn’t feel like showing up today. At all. I almost talked myself out of blogging just now. But I had made a promise to myself to show up, whether or not anyone reads this or not. Because I had vowed to myself to take on a challenge to blog every day for 365 days (today happens to be ‘Day 9’; that’s 356 more days to go). Even if I don’t have anything to say, I had told myself I’d lay down a paragraph. A sentence, even.
So here I am. It’s almost 10pm Central Time and I’m here wondering what I should write about. I decided to title this “Showing Up.” Because showing up really is half the battle; at least, that’s what they say. The mere act of showing up for others, but more importantly for yourself, is crucial. As someone who battles with depression from time to time, this is even more so. Repeatedly breaking vows to yourself about starting a new habit can wear your spirits down. You begin to lose trust with yourself. Showing up is trusting yourself not to be perfect. And as a perpetual procrastinator and perfectionist, this is why I’ve struggled for so long to finish my novel, other writing, and all the other tasks and projects I’ve told myself I’d do. Thus, the cycle of shame, inadequacy and guilt. So this new practice of showing up on the page is a good thing. Even if I really don’t have anything pithy to say.
